lennonalive

What to do when you worry too much

    lennon cox

Right now I’m lying on my living room floor with my dog and thinking about everything. I doubt my dog is thinking of anything. She stinks, but I don’t really care because she doesn’t seem to either. It’s just odd how a stinky dog is my only calm in the storm right now. I'm lying here for really no reason at all except that there's no one to call. It's one of those days where there's nothing to do except think, and sometimes that's the worst thing to do. Often, on days like this, it feels like there’s this dark feeling inside of me that won't go away. It’s neither positive nor negative. It’s just everything sitting there, grouped together and making me worry.

Most people explain away the worry inside of them like a pit or void in their stomach. I’d say mine is more like a shadow. It’s always there, following me. It’s blasted onto the floor even when I’m facing the light. It’s the embodiment of loneliness. It’s worry. And sure, I take my medication. I take my deep breaths. I can name five things I see, four I smell, and so on. It’s just still there. Untimely, inconvenient worry. In fact, I recently finished the second part of a movie I'd been neglecting, and when it finally ended, I cried. For no reason at all, I cried. It worried me, because although the tears were mostly falling because the ending sucked, it was also because it was the last thing I was holding onto. It was the last movie I remembered how to watch. And even though it sounds juvenile, I tend to hold on too closely to temporary things. Therefore, I worry about losing them. So how do I fix it? What do you do when you worry too much? When you can't let go of the past? I’m sure those of you reading know what I mean. I’m sure we’ve all been handed a “healing isn’t linear” sticker that just ended up stuffed in an old backpack somewhere. It seems like most people who are supposed to help us just simply don’t know how to cure worry because they’re too scared to tell us it’s terminal. But I think that, in a way, terminal worry can be a good thing.

I was told once that you can use logic to make the worry less powerful. I think that is partly true. If you think or talk about something enough, you’re bound to find an answer. Honestly, I think it's good to worry about some things. For example, death. When you ask most people what their biggest fear is, the answer is usually death. And although grief can be a depressing thing to experience, it's worth worrying about. It means you love life to such an extent that you fear its end more than anything else in the world. 

So, applying logic to my worry can often subdue it. Shifting perspective, realizing that most anxiety is sourced from care, is truly what to do when you worry too much. If I am worried about finding love, at least I know it's because I value it. The same goes for everything else. So, dear reader, if you are worried, it is okay. You are okay. And the next time you are worried, remember to think about the good that can come from it. About the good that can come from terminal worry. 

I love you, blabies,

baii !!!